A Tribute

Hi Papa ,

I am sorry. It’s been a year. Despite the fact that I have written about so many things, somehow I just could not bring myself to write about you or anything. I tried it many times, but my thoughts about you always got the better off me. But I had to write. 

It’s been on my mind since quite some time now. This is not a eulogy, it’s rather a tribute to the person that has loved me more than anything, someone who lived the life the way it should be, with love, compassion, a free spirit and an open minded outlook that is just so hard to find.  We talk about you when I am home, but we still can’t talk about you at length. It always stops at : “if you would have been here … ….”  I know you would not like that. We keep on having glances at your photo frame on the wall, shedding a tear without anybody noticing it. We were all there on there on the 16^th, the way you always wanted us to be, together.

A larger than life attitude with a charm that always meant you had your way with things, fierce love for your family, immense faith in god and plethora of interests that varied from cars, books, traveling, sports, writing, cinema defined your life. Born to a liberal 1^st class government officer and being a single child to an extremely liberal father, I can see how you had an environment, time and upbringing to help inculcate passion in such varied arenas.  The enfield incident never skips my mind, the bike you possessed and were so in love with, when Bade Papa sold it behind your back while you were away and replaced with a scooter because he thought it was too dangerous for you. And you were all ballistic at your parents for that.  

Recently I cleared my doubts about your marriage from Mom. I knew you were in GNDU together, but I always wanted to confirm if you guys had a love marriage, just couldn’t do so being so shy myself.  She of course said that how can I be so foolish not to know, after all arranged Hindu-Sikh intercaste marriages were pretty uncommon 30 years back and she herself was surprised when your father did not once object to a prospect of having a hindu daughter in law. She relished the little time that she had to spend with him but Bade Papa had a great influence on her. She adores you both for the freedom she got a express herself, pursue her career. She was joking, despite the fact that you had a liberal paternal side , don’t expect me to be that liberal. She is keeping herself busy very well, her job, meditation, spirituality had made here quite strong to move on in life. She’s driving your car now, but she has somehow managed to keep it very well.

Mahajan uncle and Sudha Aunty miss you a lot, they keep visiting, discussing  the college days you all shared together, how you went to Kapurthala and sat outside Sudha aunty’s home when her parents to objecting to her marriage to Mahajan Uncle and you guys did not bulge till they agreed to reconsider. His mind sometimes drifts on the scooter that you had in college and how you all the college shared it for that errands. He always comments “Sonu, he did not refuse anyone”.  Compassion was something that came to you very naturally. Watching tennis together on television, you would always discuss that match that Pete Sampras played against Jim Courier, when Pete’s coach had s stroke during the tournament. How Sampras cried during the match and Jim Courier, his best friend, urged him to play for his coach. You always took that example and asked us to be great at what you do, but never to lose your human touch.

I miss your 2 calls per day, that no matter what, we always had despite the distances.  How you used to tell me how you roamed on scooters throughout himachal, only letting know your status through telegram whenever possible when you were in college and never letting us be outside home after 8. You would happily recount your expeditions of 4 guys and 2 scooters, treks but warning me that roads are not what they were back then, so don’t attempt anything of the sort. Your love for engineering, canals , dams. How you would take me to hydroelectric power stations/thermal stations to show me the wonders of science. Bhakra Dam was your favorite place, your indepth knowledge of how it was built, it my favorite place as well. How we never missed going to Bhakra when we went to Anandpur Sahib, Naina Devi and to Nangal. You had an amazing knack for finding new roads. Always keeping a roadmap in the car, exploring new ways to cut down on the traveltime.  Once when you took me to Pong Dam for the first time, you explained the whole way, what an earthen dams is , spill ways, penstocks and then you turned the car around to head to your meetings in Ropar and I saw the sign which said Dalhousie this way. I insisted we go there, you resisted. I made a face, you tried to console. After driving for 5 minutes, you turned the car around and we went for a night in Dalhousie, I still have the pahari jacket that we had to buy as were in our half sleeves there.

Your passion of cars and driving. An Avid reader of every autocar magazine, that’s what I inherited from you. How you did not miss a single AutoExpo ever. How proud you were when you saw the Nano for the first time, how revered you were when you talked about Ratan Tata. Your know-how of engine technology, your love for Mercedes. You always said “Asi Ral mil ke Mercedes zaroor lawange ek din”. Sure Dad, we will. When I was making a decision to buy a car, you always talked about VFM, Value for money.

Your love for brightness in life,  I remember getting a 3000 Rs cash prize from school in 2001 and me bringing a Grey Shade Polo neck for you. You said its good, you went with me to the shop anyways and exchanged the same for  an orange one. You never had a dull moment, you never wanted one either, always booming with confidence. You loved buying stuff, for each one of us, especially for mom. You travelled for upto 20 days sometimes on your business trips but it was never a case you did not bring something for her. Suits, Sarees, Handbags, Sandals. How, when you stretched your hand from thumb to the little finger, you knew that was the size of mom’ foot, while buying sandals with a choice so impeccable, people complimented her so much on the colors she wore. Mom did not have to buy a single thing all her life, she still does not, there are still bundles that she has not touched. I do get her handbags though, she says I have inherited this much from you atl east. I don’t if she just says that to keep my heart.

Your immense faith in one true god. How Anandpur Sahib was your favorite place in the world. How you adored Guru Gobind Singh for the leader and warrior he was, hence your love for the place. You always said, the vibrations that you felt in Tirupathi were the same that you felt in Golden Temple and Anandpur Sahib. You did not deviate, you maintained your faith till the end. How you touched your father’s photograph when you came home after your regular trips, we do the same now.

Mom was telling me that Bade Papa wrote you some letters when you were growing up and he had to be in Denmark for his engineering course. The letters like JawaharLal Nehru had written to Indira, encompassing how to lead a life, how to achieve your goals, how to be in life. Mom said that she would find them and keep them for me to read next time I am at home. How you kept a photograph and newspaper cutting of him when he passed away , in your briefcase always. You used to tell me how Bade Papa would not let you guys hold me when I was just born, telling you guys you did not know how to hold a child.  

Your love was cinema was unparalleled, how you would collect cassette of movies that you loved. I inherited your love for Lamhe, how you adored the movie for sentiments that it showed. On one of your business trips, you saw Terminator in a theater in Bombay and you brought a cassette home to make us watch it, It was my first Hollywood movie.  You loved your books, reading for your first love, you exercised it when you were travelling very often on your business trips. Big fan of Wilbur Smith and John Grisham, You would always kept your collection up to date. It would very often happen that someone would come and borrow a book never to return and despite asking for it back, you would always buy a new copy. You gave me my first novel , the client by John Grisham when I was 14. You asked me to start it off with this. You did not like when I told you I was reading Ayn Rand during my college, you asked me to read it later in your life, I never asked you why you asked me to do that. Your almirah and shelf are still the same way, full of books you possessed.

The last trip that we had together, I had come home for a weekend and you mom and me went out to the market for some general household stuff. It was 1PM and on our way back, you said why do we not head to ChintPurni, its not that we get to be together each day. Mom protested telling that its already too late, but you ignored her. You asked me if I wanted to go, always knowing that I would never refuse and we just headed on the road. You never let me drive when you were in a car. The first time you saw my driving was when we landed on Amritsar airport from Raipur and mom came to pick us up. You just had your first cardiac arrest in Raipur. It was the first time we were not home for a new year and the last we were together on one.

You always were strong willed, your heart had left you very weak. You wanted to go for a Bypass surgery but the doctors never gave their yes, saying it was too dangerous. You would try convincing me that you needed to do that, that the half life that you were living was not how you had lived for a single second previously in your life  that you could not go on living like this. You wanted to get better or go away trying. When it happened, I thank god that you were in Amritsar close to person you loved the most. Mom was telling me later that when she was trying to calm you that we were going to soon shift you to Escorts as soon things were stabilized, you told her “ Bas Neelam koi lod nahin,” , gave her your spectacles, “Meri Aenkaan sambhal le”. Those were your final words.

You were the smile of our lives. If I say we miss you, that would be a big understatement. But I also know that you would not like to be remembered in this way. You spread joy and you would like to be remembered in a happy state of things. You would want your memories to make us stronger and righteous. You led a life that were very much on your terms, a life that I see very few people living. I have had seen my friend’s parents and I was very surprised when I compared them with yours. As your friends, still say, he lived a King’s size life and nothing can take that away from him.

I have so much to say, I can keep on writing. Despite you are not with us, but you are still part of our lives, our thoughts, our actions, our decisions. We have preserved everything you possessed, your clothes, shoes, turbans, books, and spectacles. The only thing missing is you.

Regards

Your loving Son 

Soothers !

Apart from the junk ads that I have recently seen , I am particularly intrigued by one aired for Emirates on TV. Its nothing fancy, but a very holistic representation how different lives are connected each other's , but the best part about is the music. Its just so light and warm , that you feel moved by the harmonious notes. Its a track "Trek" by Antfoot, specially edited for Emirated ad. There is an amazing stillness about the track, representing and inculcating the calm that is inside us , that we are trying to achieve.

And, its not about this piece only, its about the music on the whole. Its such an essential part of our life, right from celebrations, ranging from matrimonies to the silly bugle in the IPL matches ( after hearing which people go berserk , to the solitude. No wonder, Apple has grown on selling ipod's , by bringing the music we can relate to most easily in a convenient form. I still remember when 99% of people putting "listening music" as one of the hobbies on the resumes. I just found my soother for the week, its time you found yours.

Scrambled eggs !

I aim to make fried eggs and always end up eating scrambled ones !

The Self making breakfast : one thing that has become a tradition on the weekends since a long time. I think, I have the stint in bangalore with 7 others mates to thank/or not thank for that. Right from fighting who was going to get the materials to the person who was going to wash the maggi pan in the end, it was a a nice way to kill of the time and feed the stomachs. What that also meant was variations that was on display with sometimes scrambled eggs, butter in maggi and sometimes raw eggs in maggi as well. I, who never had to make an effort at the food that I eat , also had to succumb to the constant pressures and nagging and deploy efforts to satisfy the hunger while rest were doing the same.

So Since then, it has clearly become a way to start the weekend day and no matter the efforts, aims and wants, the result is always the same. The scrambled eggs. I guess , I also need to thank my prowess with cooking as well as I just do not seem to learn in this regard. I won't put the blame on my handless pan, or my tilted stove, its just that sometimes it helps not care, not aim for anything. Its just good to let go sometimes and see where life takes you. Away from needless pressures, expectations and pretenses . Sometimes, you might get a surprise. I finally made the perfect fried eggs.

Sweet Round up to a Not-So-Good Sporting Weekend

It was a big sporting Weekend and hence a lot of expectations from the teams I duly support. Formula One Championship showdown, Premier League Action , India-NZ test series to look forward to. It turned out to be a cracking weekend, though not swinging by completely in my favour.

I really thought Sachin would get that magic number 50 after missing out in the first test, but New Zealand attack did him in, yet again. They seem to have have figured something people have not been able to do in the past one year or so and are faring quiet well against him. But I know number 50 will come eventually. Like me there are a lot of fans who worship him and may give up watching cricket that day he walks out of the cricket pitch for the final time.

Still there is one batsman whom NZ have no clue about. Bhajji has really come into own in this series, clobbering the ball like he normally does, but what really has made the difference this time around is the consistency with which he is doing so. Real fun to watch him. India have crawled back into a good position in the test and can make a result out of it if they bowl really well. Meanwhile Bhajji might get his second in a row. Really hope he gets it again.

Manchester United have drawn again, and again in the same week. They just haven't been winning away games. Have to agree they made a great comeback against Villa, but was really disappointed to see them again being pushed in a position where they have to take the leap to make things level again. Good for us, they have been doing that consistently atleast. This season ManU are really lacking the creativity in the midfield and they better improve !!!! Go Red Devils !!! Rooney, We need you to fire.

What a finale to the such a close Formula one season. It was such a great season and Schumacher, despite being there, was not in reckoning for the championship in a 4 way battle at the end. Ferrari screwed it in the final race. What should have been a comfortable top 4 finish for Alonso to claim the Hat-trick of World Championships turned into to fiasco. Early Pit-stop meant he was stuck behind Petrov's Renault for the entire race, left at the mercy of whatever good came his way with the retirements/pit-stops ahead of him. But Vettel, You beauty !!! Never having lead the points race the entire year, you scripted a perfect race to clinch the WC. Hats Off to Red Bull and Vettel. There is a lot left from Vettel I am sure !!!

Something Sweet happened as I started this post in disappointment. Chelsea lost. Yay !!! That ought to level some things at the top of the table.

The unrecognized hero : Eminem

I first heard Eminem way back during the college. Somebody had put on "Lose Yourself" and was trying keep up with the rapper. Somehow I let him pass as a wannabe singer mumbling random words making no sense whatsoever, never quite giving him the attention, jerking off whenever mention of the guy came in the dorm. Just like many things in life that dont matter to you and you don't matter to them.

Last week going through the latest hits on the itunes, I listened to the 30 second track for the Eminem ft. Rihanna "Love the way you lie". Loved the initial chorus and somehow felt that the music was overall quite inspiring. Generally I have that notion of downloading numbers after listening to the complete track with lyrics on youtube. After reading the lyrics along with the track was the so evident realization. Its about the lyrics and how his voice powers them.

The way he has put his personal emotions in lyrics is absolutely amazing, at times even witty. I moved onto "When I m gone" , "Stan", "Not afraid" and many more. Since then, I have been taken aback by the sublime intensity of the hip hop and rap genre he follows. The guy is a damn genius.

Thanks Eminem, You came out with the recovery album, else I might not have discovered something that I am so moved by today.

Relapse

I might be keeping the title name as Eminem's return album, also want it to mark this a re-return. I dont know why I stopped this in the first place. The only thing that comes to resemble the day I started blogging and today is the level of sensex, then also it was around the same level. :)..

Really hope, I can continue it this time around.

The pen is rusty, cant think of something to write
The path is dull , life is not all that bright

There are things that need to be said
Else the feeling will go unfelt

Telling how you feel requires the right timing they say
Opening the heart to someone is important they say

But what, if the words dont come out then
But what, if the words dont matter then ,

So the expression is the tool I only got
With scribbling something and something to jot

Hope this brings relief one looks for in the end
Hope for something on the path to look for in the end

Life's been a theatre whole week !!!!

Dont take me wrong with the title of the post because it aint a quote from a shakespeare novel and nor I am trying to be philosophical (which in the most cases I am). This week has just been so full of movies . Right from oscar-nominated recommendations to general public choices, I have just managed to view most of them. Somehow, there isnt a better time pass than movies. I always have a new reason every evening a little early to come back happily from the not so interesting job these days I have got ( well the downloads done till then ). As I write the post, Michael Clayton's next in line and I am just done with Juno. Breach, 40 year old virgin, Heat, In the land of women( which was Arjun's recco) have all become part of the extravaganza. Weekend had a special attraction in the form of prison break. Well Michael Scofield's done it again ( Sorry for breaking the suspense on you prison break fans). I still remember how Rohan, Bangia and me covered the whole season one in one go the day ( rather it was late night ) we got our hands on prison break in our final year.

I had a chance though once again to visit the legendary Paranthe Wali gali in chandni chowk once again when I had gone to see a friend of mine in CP on sunday. Oh Man what paranthas. Being from amritsar ( A place serving some mother of delicacies ) and me not being so praiseful of desi foods elsewhere generally, really have to commend them with ten on ten for their taste. Being in delhi, Everybody must go atleast once to enjoy the sheer pleasure of typical tel mein tale paranthe. You will really keep licking your fingers.

Rest, Anil Ambani seems to have grab the attention once again with the bonus share allotment. Anil Ambani gave up some 5000 crores of his personal wealth for the bonus shares. With the horrific opening bell at the exchanges, Reliance power might just have pulled a rabbit out of a rather empty hat which I am sure many of you will understand. But still I cant understand the fact that how come bonus shares will prevent investors from turning the stock around once again. People are still looking for every exit out of reliance power highway. It is a very interesting scenario which is developing right now. It remains to be seen what will actually triumph in the end - The faith in reliance with bonus added or the true sentiment of an injured investor in the current market conditions. chao !