A Tribute

Hi Papa ,

I am sorry. It’s been a year. Despite the fact that I have written about so many things, somehow I just could not bring myself to write about you or anything. I tried it many times, but my thoughts about you always got the better off me. But I had to write. 

It’s been on my mind since quite some time now. This is not a eulogy, it’s rather a tribute to the person that has loved me more than anything, someone who lived the life the way it should be, with love, compassion, a free spirit and an open minded outlook that is just so hard to find.  We talk about you when I am home, but we still can’t talk about you at length. It always stops at : “if you would have been here … ….”  I know you would not like that. We keep on having glances at your photo frame on the wall, shedding a tear without anybody noticing it. We were all there on there on the 16^th, the way you always wanted us to be, together.

A larger than life attitude with a charm that always meant you had your way with things, fierce love for your family, immense faith in god and plethora of interests that varied from cars, books, traveling, sports, writing, cinema defined your life. Born to a liberal 1^st class government officer and being a single child to an extremely liberal father, I can see how you had an environment, time and upbringing to help inculcate passion in such varied arenas.  The enfield incident never skips my mind, the bike you possessed and were so in love with, when Bade Papa sold it behind your back while you were away and replaced with a scooter because he thought it was too dangerous for you. And you were all ballistic at your parents for that.  

Recently I cleared my doubts about your marriage from Mom. I knew you were in GNDU together, but I always wanted to confirm if you guys had a love marriage, just couldn’t do so being so shy myself.  She of course said that how can I be so foolish not to know, after all arranged Hindu-Sikh intercaste marriages were pretty uncommon 30 years back and she herself was surprised when your father did not once object to a prospect of having a hindu daughter in law. She relished the little time that she had to spend with him but Bade Papa had a great influence on her. She adores you both for the freedom she got a express herself, pursue her career. She was joking, despite the fact that you had a liberal paternal side , don’t expect me to be that liberal. She is keeping herself busy very well, her job, meditation, spirituality had made here quite strong to move on in life. She’s driving your car now, but she has somehow managed to keep it very well.

Mahajan uncle and Sudha Aunty miss you a lot, they keep visiting, discussing  the college days you all shared together, how you went to Kapurthala and sat outside Sudha aunty’s home when her parents to objecting to her marriage to Mahajan Uncle and you guys did not bulge till they agreed to reconsider. His mind sometimes drifts on the scooter that you had in college and how you all the college shared it for that errands. He always comments “Sonu, he did not refuse anyone”.  Compassion was something that came to you very naturally. Watching tennis together on television, you would always discuss that match that Pete Sampras played against Jim Courier, when Pete’s coach had s stroke during the tournament. How Sampras cried during the match and Jim Courier, his best friend, urged him to play for his coach. You always took that example and asked us to be great at what you do, but never to lose your human touch.

I miss your 2 calls per day, that no matter what, we always had despite the distances.  How you used to tell me how you roamed on scooters throughout himachal, only letting know your status through telegram whenever possible when you were in college and never letting us be outside home after 8. You would happily recount your expeditions of 4 guys and 2 scooters, treks but warning me that roads are not what they were back then, so don’t attempt anything of the sort. Your love for engineering, canals , dams. How you would take me to hydroelectric power stations/thermal stations to show me the wonders of science. Bhakra Dam was your favorite place, your indepth knowledge of how it was built, it my favorite place as well. How we never missed going to Bhakra when we went to Anandpur Sahib, Naina Devi and to Nangal. You had an amazing knack for finding new roads. Always keeping a roadmap in the car, exploring new ways to cut down on the traveltime.  Once when you took me to Pong Dam for the first time, you explained the whole way, what an earthen dams is , spill ways, penstocks and then you turned the car around to head to your meetings in Ropar and I saw the sign which said Dalhousie this way. I insisted we go there, you resisted. I made a face, you tried to console. After driving for 5 minutes, you turned the car around and we went for a night in Dalhousie, I still have the pahari jacket that we had to buy as were in our half sleeves there.

Your passion of cars and driving. An Avid reader of every autocar magazine, that’s what I inherited from you. How you did not miss a single AutoExpo ever. How proud you were when you saw the Nano for the first time, how revered you were when you talked about Ratan Tata. Your know-how of engine technology, your love for Mercedes. You always said “Asi Ral mil ke Mercedes zaroor lawange ek din”. Sure Dad, we will. When I was making a decision to buy a car, you always talked about VFM, Value for money.

Your love for brightness in life,  I remember getting a 3000 Rs cash prize from school in 2001 and me bringing a Grey Shade Polo neck for you. You said its good, you went with me to the shop anyways and exchanged the same for  an orange one. You never had a dull moment, you never wanted one either, always booming with confidence. You loved buying stuff, for each one of us, especially for mom. You travelled for upto 20 days sometimes on your business trips but it was never a case you did not bring something for her. Suits, Sarees, Handbags, Sandals. How, when you stretched your hand from thumb to the little finger, you knew that was the size of mom’ foot, while buying sandals with a choice so impeccable, people complimented her so much on the colors she wore. Mom did not have to buy a single thing all her life, she still does not, there are still bundles that she has not touched. I do get her handbags though, she says I have inherited this much from you atl east. I don’t if she just says that to keep my heart.

Your immense faith in one true god. How Anandpur Sahib was your favorite place in the world. How you adored Guru Gobind Singh for the leader and warrior he was, hence your love for the place. You always said, the vibrations that you felt in Tirupathi were the same that you felt in Golden Temple and Anandpur Sahib. You did not deviate, you maintained your faith till the end. How you touched your father’s photograph when you came home after your regular trips, we do the same now.

Mom was telling me that Bade Papa wrote you some letters when you were growing up and he had to be in Denmark for his engineering course. The letters like JawaharLal Nehru had written to Indira, encompassing how to lead a life, how to achieve your goals, how to be in life. Mom said that she would find them and keep them for me to read next time I am at home. How you kept a photograph and newspaper cutting of him when he passed away , in your briefcase always. You used to tell me how Bade Papa would not let you guys hold me when I was just born, telling you guys you did not know how to hold a child.  

Your love was cinema was unparalleled, how you would collect cassette of movies that you loved. I inherited your love for Lamhe, how you adored the movie for sentiments that it showed. On one of your business trips, you saw Terminator in a theater in Bombay and you brought a cassette home to make us watch it, It was my first Hollywood movie.  You loved your books, reading for your first love, you exercised it when you were travelling very often on your business trips. Big fan of Wilbur Smith and John Grisham, You would always kept your collection up to date. It would very often happen that someone would come and borrow a book never to return and despite asking for it back, you would always buy a new copy. You gave me my first novel , the client by John Grisham when I was 14. You asked me to start it off with this. You did not like when I told you I was reading Ayn Rand during my college, you asked me to read it later in your life, I never asked you why you asked me to do that. Your almirah and shelf are still the same way, full of books you possessed.

The last trip that we had together, I had come home for a weekend and you mom and me went out to the market for some general household stuff. It was 1PM and on our way back, you said why do we not head to ChintPurni, its not that we get to be together each day. Mom protested telling that its already too late, but you ignored her. You asked me if I wanted to go, always knowing that I would never refuse and we just headed on the road. You never let me drive when you were in a car. The first time you saw my driving was when we landed on Amritsar airport from Raipur and mom came to pick us up. You just had your first cardiac arrest in Raipur. It was the first time we were not home for a new year and the last we were together on one.

You always were strong willed, your heart had left you very weak. You wanted to go for a Bypass surgery but the doctors never gave their yes, saying it was too dangerous. You would try convincing me that you needed to do that, that the half life that you were living was not how you had lived for a single second previously in your life  that you could not go on living like this. You wanted to get better or go away trying. When it happened, I thank god that you were in Amritsar close to person you loved the most. Mom was telling me later that when she was trying to calm you that we were going to soon shift you to Escorts as soon things were stabilized, you told her “ Bas Neelam koi lod nahin,” , gave her your spectacles, “Meri Aenkaan sambhal le”. Those were your final words.

You were the smile of our lives. If I say we miss you, that would be a big understatement. But I also know that you would not like to be remembered in this way. You spread joy and you would like to be remembered in a happy state of things. You would want your memories to make us stronger and righteous. You led a life that were very much on your terms, a life that I see very few people living. I have had seen my friend’s parents and I was very surprised when I compared them with yours. As your friends, still say, he lived a King’s size life and nothing can take that away from him.

I have so much to say, I can keep on writing. Despite you are not with us, but you are still part of our lives, our thoughts, our actions, our decisions. We have preserved everything you possessed, your clothes, shoes, turbans, books, and spectacles. The only thing missing is you.

Regards

Your loving Son